Below are a pic of my gorgeously decorated Christmas tree, and Santa's lil helpers!
Ok....So, another Christmas comes to pass and in it doing so I can't help but reflect on the past year!
I thought it be interesting for you all to read where I my head was on this day last year!
*Blog Entry For Christmas 2005*
Christmas is over and I can't help but think that the holidays really are stressful! You spend all that time getting prepared and then it's over in a flash! I wonder if it's all worth it? I guess it is and I like to think that I celebrate Christmas for the right reasons! I sat around yesterday and feeling home sick. This was the first Christmas I have spent away from my mommy in 28 years! I'm not sure that I liked it..lol! As I laid around and watched Jesus of Nazareth I thought about what the day truly meant and what it meant for me. I struggle alot with my faith and being involved with BDSM. I'm not saying that I am a holy roller that goes to church twice a week and attends bible study. However, I can say that I have a strong belief that Jesus Christ walked the Earth and was knowingly put to death for my sins. This is where the line begins to blur for me. I know that I am not pure and I have sinned repeatably. Along the way I have asked for forgiveness and I know that I have been forgiven for if you believe that was his gift to us. Now, this is the thing....what if you knowingly sin? Will those sins be forgiven? I don't know the answer to that! Can I justify my actions? Is it OK for me to do as I do because I can ask for forgiveness? Is it OK for me to do what I do because inside I know I am truly good? I could go on and on! The world of BDSM can be dark, gritty, and deviant. However, it can also be caring, loving and you can grow through your experiences. I'm not sure why this lifestyle choose me or why I feel in love with it. I have tried many times to "make it go away" , but with no avail! When someone places their selves within my hands it's a very powerful feeling! I however at no time want bad for them! If anything I hope that through me they learn to become a better person. Of course I partake in the different areas of play that BDSM has to offer and honestly admit that I get a charge from it! The actual play of BDSM is more so entertainment for me. The emotional and mental part is the aspect that attracts me more so than anything else! The fact that a man is willing to invest his time, money, mind and body to me is a gift that should not be taken for granted! I can't demand that it be given and expect it to be sincere. It has to be given freely! I then can shape and mold someone just as a piece of clay! My hope is that the submissive lives will be enriched by serving me and I accept the responsibility to do so when I take them in! Loyalty and trust on the submissives part is key! These types are hard to come by! Many have turned to the Internet as a source to explore their feelings of submission. Once feelings of submission or dominance have come to light in ones life it is forever changed. I understand that online can be used as an outlet for these feelings. I too have used the computer for a long while now, for exploration. I have had both negative and positive results. Also, I have explored outside of the virtual world and done r/t....which I love, but I'm not always able to do! Online has allowed me to meet many that are true, but with the positive always comes the negative! I have many a days been entertained by men that are sick little bastard's, but I derive great pleasure from a willing source. However, I have been let down many times as well. Now I know that many are unable to give you all of themselves due to having a family and what not, and I am able to supply that outlet when there able....this is why yes, I will make one pay me for the time that is spent with me! Not only do I get to get myself a little something nice, have a good time while I session, but I help scratch an itch, while at the same time I'm scratching one myself! Perhaps, one day I will find a submissive that I am able to welcome into my life on a full time basis...That is my hope anyhow! In the mean time the search continues and I get to sharpen my skills through online and r/t. I know that I just rambled abit, but I have had a lot on my mind concerning BDSM and where my path shall lead me! I hope all of you proceed with caution and find what is right for you!
Tomorrow I will reflect on my thoughts above, but for tonight I will leave you wanting more!
Yours Truly,
Lady Tiffany
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